Here I Am

It's been quite a while since I've attempted this. I've been caught up in what I like to call the whoosh of life. Actually, I've never called it that before, but it sure did flow off of the tongue nicely. Anyway, my life has been swamped with that same familiar chaotic nothingness. My health has been shaky once again, but it's stabling. My medicine has been tripled, which is annoying. I really dislike taking pills, but I suppose it's for the better.

November is going to be such a busy month this year. I'm psyched. Look!--

--I'll be going to try out for ISU Honor Choir this week. I know I won't get in since I'm horrid at sight reading, but it's still fun.

--Then, I'll be going to Thespian Festival (Nov. 11-12) to perform two monologues, a duet acting piece with Sam, and team improvisation.

-- November 16th I'll be going to my first counseling session, which I'm really hoping will help my nightmares.

-- After that, I have a neurologist appointment (November 21st) to see if they can figure out what the crap is wrong with me.

--Over Thanksgiving, I'll be headed to Chicago to sing with a mass choir in the Thanksgiving Day Parade.

I'm hoping that after Thanksgiving my November will finally start to settle down a bit.

As far as the general condition of me, emotionally, goes-- I'm okay. I have days where I'm on edge, probably a pain in the butt to be around, and likely to lose it at any moment. And then I have other days where everything seems right, and I know it's okay to smile because it will all work out just fine.
... Today was both. Last night probably ranks among the worst nights I've ever had. I usually do a fairly good job of keeping my nightmares from messing up my day, but on nights like last night- it's really hard. As life would have it, my day just seemed to be notably more stressful than usual. Of course, this was probably just because of my negative attitude. Thankfully, my day turned out alright. Thanks to the smiles of a few people, I pulled through.

I'd just like to take a moment to explain to everyone how my nightmares actually affect me. They make me particularly sensitive to any sort of volume, particularly yelling or screaming. They also make me nervous and jumpy all day, which sometimes results in a bit of paranoia. They change my perception of touch. There are sometimes when I feel the need to just hug someone... forever, and there are other times where I just need some space.
They, most importantly, make me very tired.

I'm not saying this so you all know how horrible I have it or anything, but I would like you to know so you can try your best to pay attention to the way you act around me at certain times. My prayer is that this problem will soon go away, but until it does- I could really use your help. I think I may have noticed a pattern. It seems that the more yelling that takes place during the day, the worse my nightmares are that night. If you could avoid arguing excessively (debate doesn't count) or yelling around me in the near future, I would appreciate it so much. Also, if you could please not sneak up behind me or try to scare me, that would also be helpful. It's really quite hard for me to ask these things, but I think it's time I need this.

Anyhoo, football season is officially over. I'm a bit sorrowful that I wasn't able to cheer for the last couple of games, but I'm looking forward to wrestling season. Wrestling cheerleading outweighs football cheerleading beyond compare. Although, it probably has something to do with the fact that I loooove wrestling. I am very excited about it this year.

Well, I'm running out of words, so I'll close abruptly.

God bless you all... Thanks for your support.
Farewell!