Paper, rock, and scissors... they all have their pros and cons.

I'm sorry that I didn't post again last night. I was busy working on a synopsis of the book Understanding the Times. I'll have to work on that some more today. Perhaps I will publish it here on my blog once I've finished. The book is phenomenal, thus by default the synopsis will be somewhat interesting, despite the writing skill (or lack thereof) used. Today I am happy, but totally stressed out. I have misplaced my geometry notebook that I am supposed to turn into my supervising teacher. I'm supposed to send that out today, but being as I can not locate it, no matter how intensely I search, this puts me in quite the situation. I plan to send in my doctor's excuse today, along with my synopsis. Having your dominant hand go paralyzed frequently for five months doesn't exactly do any favors for you, as far as an education goes. As a matter of fact, it doesn't do any favors for you, period. I strongly advise you to avoid any such situation by all means necessary. As far as good news goes, I'm in a happy mood. Yesterday, I went through the decompression process without throwing up. That's always a pleasant surprise. Recently, I have not had very much sleep, and the sleep I've had has been occupied by nightmares, which make my sleeping uneasy. Despite this, I am left energized, content, and even slightly motivated. Unfortunately, the only things I have to do are petty, when I could or even should be investing my time in such things as geometry, history, science... taking over the world. And instead, I am spent using my time writing a synopsis on worldviews, working on World Literature, English, Vocabulary... not taking over the world. I'm rather worried over what my mom's reaction will be to me not being able to locate my geometry notebook. Though, I'm doing my best to enjoy my happy mood while it lasts. It's so hard to ignore that annoying, pingy voice that's whispering to my brain... "So much to do... so far behind... so much to worry about... so little time..." Blast that voice of burdening depression. I rebuke it. Well, I rebuke it for now; at least until I feel reality kick me in the shin. I'm not sure why I've had such mixed emotions lately. Being moody makes me feel like such a typical teenage chick. That in itself is depressing. My ponderings leave me with only more emotions to deal with. I suppose I could deal with this problem by replacing my emotions with apathy. However, I'm numb enough as it is. As peculiar as it may sound, sometimes it's nice to feel emotions. It makes me feel a little more human, a little less distanced from my species. As you can clearly see, my desire for writing has returned to me. I hope this isn't just a spurt. I quite enjoy the times when I am actually capable of expressing my thoughts through words, rather than tears or temper tantrums. I think I'm going to be adding some more poetry to my website later tonight. It seems that the only thing I update on my website anymore is this blog. I really ought to put some updated pictures in there as well. These are just more things on Joselynn's to-do list. Unfortunately, I'm horrible at prioritizing, thus it is unlikely that I get anything done, but babbling on a bit from time to time and the occasional spurt of intensely working on school because I'm forced to. Sad, isn't it? I think I have a plan of attack to get caught up with my school. I will simply have to work on it all the way through the summer. As unappealing as this prospect sounds, I find myself remembering that my education will someday allow me to have the career I desire and to do the things I feel a calling for. To put such important things aside for the sake of enjoying a summer break is disgusting and that thought should never again enter my mind... but it will. I have no doubt of it. I am so easily tempted these days. I've lost my focus, thus I've lost my motivation. I have faith that this is temporary and will return to me in time. I only wish that I could control the timing. I will do my best, or somewhere near it. I'm not sure how I feel now. I was happy when I started writing this post, but since letting out a few of my stresses, I'm just not sure. I guess this is the part where reality kicks me in the shin, and that dreadful pain shoots up to my brain, reminding me of all I really have to deal with. Dash it all! I'm still happy. God bless each of you. Farewell.