Change

Thus far, today has been interesting. My little sister is struggling; she says she misses the way things used to be. She said she misses when our family spent time together. She said she misses everyone being home. Of course, my mind automatically responds by throwing a pity party for myself. I suppose it wasn't as much pity as it was guilt. I guess you could say I blame myself for the problems my family is going through. I know I have no say in whether or not I'm healthy. However, I still feel somewhat responsible for the constant stress or tension my family undergoes. I've been away from home, with the exception of some brief visits, for approximately two months now. It may not seem like long to some of you, but to a close family... it seems like an eternity. I'm home for now. This will be my longest visit so far. I guess what I'm saying is that, even though I know the pain my family goes through because of all of this is not my fault, it is still caused by me. Although, I have no control over my wellness, I am still where the stress comes from, a lot of times. I don't know. I'm confused, as usual. Everyone keeps saying that someday things will be back to the way they used to be, but they won't. Little things like this change people forever. Things will never be the way they used to be. They will probably get better. As a matter of fact, they could probably end up better than the way they used to be. However, they will never be the same. I've never been one to fear change, or even be hesitant of it. But now, I don't know... I guess there is a bit of fear. Enough of this, I know better. None of these thoughts are going to help me, or anyone for that matter. Let's move on to something else. One statistic that hit me really hard at ATF (Acquire the Fire) is that it is estimated that only 4% of our generation will be Christians. Scary, isn't it? Can you imagine living fifteen years from now, in a country run by a people in which 96% are not Christians? That's intense... A fact like that really opens your eyes. It makes you realize how little evangilism we're doing in this present age. It seriously freaks me out. It's nearly inspiring; it makes me want to tell everyone what is truth. It's hard to do though, when you're so well-known for your lies. It complicates things. I will try though. I will definetly try. Another thing that happened at ATF, was that we saw Thousand Foot Krutch and KJ52 in concert. That was rockin'. I love concerts. I bought a Thousand Foot Krutch t-shirt, but now I can't find it. *sigh* Makes me sad. Anyhoo, I think I ought to get going. I am walking to choir with my mom today. I've missed choir. It sounds fun to me.*smiles* I will post again later. If you haven't noticed, I'm back at it, full blast. God bless you. Fare thee well.