Confession

For quite some time now, I have been living a life of lies and deceit. I have been a hypocrite and a liar. Though, I hid it well, I had become cold to conviction and had callised my heart to God. I have been persuing a relationship behind the backs of my parents along with several of my friends. Over the last few days, a lot of people have lost a great deal of respect toward me. I have set a miserable example in the relms of honesty and genuity. Due to some irrational behavior, I was caught in my lie, and it was brought to my attention that this situation had to be dealt with. I feel so sorry for the hurt that I've caused him (the other involved in this relationship), because I know he feels as badly as I do. I also feel badly for the hurt I've caused everyone else in keeping all of this from them. I have broken far too many promises as of lately, and my word can not be trusted. Lying has become so comfortable for me; I hate that. I have made so many heartless commitments to my parents, that kills me, as it does them. I have found that it will take a lot to earn back the respect and trust that I once possessed. I now know that my promises are pointless, and rather, I must prove it. I must prove myself capable, rather than just saying so unsincerely. This process is going to be amazingly painful for me, as for many others. I do request prayer, if you find it in your heart to show me that mercy. I have dedicated to not speak with the guy I had this previously spoken of relationship with until further notice from my parents, but this is going to be exceedingly hard on me, as will it be on him... so prayer is a neccessity. It seems so often that I question my self-worth or even my capability of being anything other than cold-hearted. I have been a miserable friend, a horrible example, and a disappointment as a daughter. Though many would beg to differ, their words would fall upon deaf ears. But I have not given up hope for myself. God has mended more broken hearts and wounded spirits than I can count or compare to. I know He can help me. I now see my flaw, and I will attempt to fix it as best I can. I know I will never be perfect... but a tad bit closer to it would be nice. Perhaps someday things will straighten out, and I will be trusted by those I've hurt. And perhaps someday God will guide me to a more content stage of my life. For now, I am doing my best to get by. I have experienced a lot of pain lately, and I have brought it all on myself. I can not feel any self-pity and do not ask for any sympathy. I only wish for you all to know that I am truly sorry. I can not express how I wish things could be different. However, in my current situation, I will do the best I can. With God, no longer at my side, but as my lead, I know I can make it through whatever situation he places in front of me. Though, I can not say it won't be a struggle. I know otherwise. Now I am rambling. Once again, I am sorry. And I ask only for prayer. God bless you. I love you all. Farewell for now.