Do you really want to know what's going on in my head?

Lesson #1 Life = Chaos I've had a bad morning. I woke up at eight o' clock this morning, ran into the bathroom and threw up. I'm thinking this was probably because I've messed up my neck and back a little lately, but I suppose it could be the flu. Anyway, after that I was somehow motivated to do something productive. I went into my bedroom and did two days worth of science. Once my science was finished I sorted through my clothes and filled a trash bag with various articles of clothing I found to be no longer essential for my possession. At that point, my mom was awake and talking to people online. I walked into the kitchen and was told to unload and load the dishwasher. I wasn't exactly happy to do this task, nonetheless the task was accomplished without argument. Seeing as it was a Saturday morning, I took it upon myself to watch two half-hour television shows, YuGiOh and Megaman. Once my television shows were over I was told do some more cleaning. As I was cleaning, I went numb. It happens frequently, as most of you know, so it was no surprise... just a minor inconvenience. I was then confronted by my mom. She found it curious that I looked so tired and was awake before she was. She has good reason not to trust me, as I've had a recent history of sneaking out. I'm done with that though. I've done some stupid stuff, but I'm doing the best I can to stay out of the deceit and lies. Anyway, she was kind of suspecting that I had snuck out, which I can proudly say that I hadn't. She told me that I looked very tired. I told her that was with good reason, considering I haven't had a good night's sleep in months due to horrific nightmares. I then received a lecture about not taking my medicine, which I suppose was deserved. But the medicine just takes away some of the nightmares not all of them. Eh, just the same, I should be taking my pills. Ick. I hate pills. Regardless, she asked, "Do you enjoy being miserable?" Yeah, ouch. Of course I don't enjoy miserable. I hate it. I would give anything just to have a good night's rest, to live a life without pain or ailment. I'm not angry with her or anything. It's just upsetting, you know? I'm sad, I guess. I figured she thought I was better than that. She's not a mean person by any means. She's kind and almost all of my friends go to her for advice. And I'm sure that what she said was probably just because I've caused her not to trust me in the past... It was weird, because she was demanding that I tell her what I was thinking. She told me that I needed to tell her the bad things I was thinking about her. It's crazy because I wasn't thinking what she thought. I wasn't thinking that I hate her. I was thinking that I hate me. I've hate the way I've made things between us, between myself and everyone. It's not like I'm giving up hope on myself, or even like I want to die. I'm not the kind of person who soaks in self-pity. I just hate the pain, the pain I put others in and the pain I'm always in. I hate it. I hate the nightmares. I hate crying. I'm being so negative. I need to stop. I've gotten a lot accomplished today, as far as cleaning around the house and even some school. I should just shrug off my health problems and emotional "distress". Still, I feel the need to show you what really goes through my head, through my life. So, there it is. That was my morning. I don't want this to be one of those things that you read and then leave depressed. And I don't want it to be one of those things where you feel like you need to build up my ego or provide me with more attention. I just to stop hiding things from everyone. I'm still relatively happy. I have far more things to be happy about than to be sad. I have so many things to be thankful for, and instead I'm dwelling on the negative. Sorry. In other news, I'm going to youth camp on Monday and will be gone until Saturday. That's going to be awesome! I'm uber-excited about it. It will be an awesome opportunity to hang out with friends, have some fun, and most importantly grow closer to God. After that, Josh will be leaving for Colorado, and then I'll be leaving for Branson. Thus, we won't be able to see each other very often in the near future. Jimmy will be gone that week as well, so it's just going to be all sorts of crazy. The mission trip will be coming up from Tennessee though, so that should keep me happy/busy. :) See? I told you I have plenty of things to be happy about. I'm horribly hungry. It's nearly three o' clock and I haven't eaten anything. That's got to be some kind of a record. Well, in closing...
Lesson #2 Life = Chaos ...but... Chaos doesn't have to be sad. w00t to happy chaos! God bless you all. Farewell.