Oh, how I long to have words to describe it!
There are no words to describe it. There is no way to convey what lies within me to you. There is nothing I can do. It is this very feeling of helplessness that keeps me from joy. There is no poetry that I could write, and no song that I could sing to express myself. I am not in a typical state of confusion. As a matter of fact, I am not at all confused. I am not ignorant to my circumstance. I no longer fear the life I live. It's something different. I am not happy, nor am I sad. I am not turning to apathy. I feel. I feel... something. It's not the same as usual. It's not a feeling I often experience. I wish there were a word to describe it, but there is not. I could read the entire dictionary, and I doubt I could find one word that describes my feeling. It's becoming rather frustrating. As part of my life seems to be improving, another part withers away into nothingness.
I will ramble no more. Yesterday, I went to the cardiologist. He has me on a strong anti-inflammatory and steroids for the next week, in hopes that my chest pain comes from inflammation around the heart. If that doesn't work, we have a plan B. Plan B is to go on a second set of medication. If the second set of meds is what helps me, than I've been having spasms in the arteries of my heart. Yesterday was one of my better days, as far as emotional stress went. I was doing alright yesterday.
I kind of miss yesterday. I didn't sleep very well last night. I had five new nightmares, and several old ones. I hate nightmares. I wish they would just go away. Perhaps someday they will. Today I am emotionally overwhelmed. I'm choosing not to let things get to me. I think everyone will be better off that way. Goodness, I whine a lot. Oo! *thinks up something happy* Last night, I went to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with my family, Josh, and Sam. It was fun. Afterward, we came here and hung out for a while. I liked that, too. :) See? I knew I'd think of something!
That's just about all I have to say for today. *smile of encouragement inserted here* Remember folks, don't give up one me yet. I'm still alive and kicking. God bless you! Farewell.
P.S.-- Yes, I am still planning on taking over the world.
Joselynn Diane
5 comments
5 Comments:
The doctors don't find anythin 'cuz there's NOTHING WRONG WITH HER. Its all in her head
Guess what. They did find something wrong with her. If you want to see the xrays and read the doctors reports and talk to her neurosurgon, be my guest. Just so you know, she is not lying about any of this and if you don't have your facts straight, stop saying things.
Anonymous... no matter how much crap you throw at Joslynn, all you are doing is throwing blessing to her for taking, for Christians are to endure the persecutions and boast of it and rejoice.
Also letting you know, how dare you insult glimpse of God's grace. Be grateful for what you have, for your life I doubt is not like what she's going through.
Another note, Joslynn, we are still praying for you. So yea, God will prevail no matter what. Yay God! Yay!
you know....i freakin hate all of these anonymous people. they are all freakin retarded. they have no life. haha. thats just hilarious. the people that talk crap about other people on here are all going to get what they deserve sooner or later. no wrong deed goes unpunished...for sooner or later they will get what they deserve. and when we do catch whoever sends these comments, i am going to show every single one of your "friends" just how worthless you really are. or do they already think that, and this is why you have nothing else better to do? i really wonder about this. haha your a freakin joke and a disgrace among society. clean up your acts and beg for forgiveness from god, and maybe you wont burn in the deepest depths of hell, and hope that god will have mercy upon your pitiful soul.
Joselynn, you may or may not know who this is, but I am praying for you!
hey i'm jealous of all your comments, and my feelings towards anonymous crap-talkers is, well, less than loving. However, it must be comforting to know that so many people care about you. I'm going to give you an unlucky number, so someone else better post a comment soon! I hope all goes well with your illness and consider yourself prayed for.
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